DOS Beer: Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires that you read the directions carefully before opening the can. Originally came only in an 8-oz. can, but now comes in 16-oz. can. However, the can is divided into eight compartments of two ounces each, which have to be accessed separately. It is now being discontinued, although a lot of people are going to keep drinking it after it's no longer available.
Mac Beer: At first, came only in a 16-oz. can, but now is offered in 32-oz. can. Considered by many to be a "light" beer. All the cans look identical. When you take one from the fridge, it opens itself. The ingredients list is not on the can. If you call to ask about the ingredients, you are told that "you don't need to know." A notice on the side reminds you to drag your empties to the trash can.
Windows 3.1 Beer: Recently the world's most popular beer. Comes in a 16-oz. can that looks a lot like Mac Beer's. Requires that you already own a DOS beer. Claims that it allows you to drink several DOS beers simultaneously, but in reality you can only drink a few of them, very slowly, especially slowly if you are drinking the Windows beer at the same time. Sometimes, for apparently no reason, a can of Windows beer will explode when you open it.
OS/2 Beer: Comes in a 32 oz. can. Does allow you to drink several DOS beers simultaneously. Allows you to drink Windows 3.1 beer simultaneously too, but somewhat slower. Advertises that its can won't explode when you open them, even if you shake them up. You never really see anyone drinking OS/2 beer, but the manufacturer (International Beer Manufacturing) claims that nine million six-packs have been sold.
Windows 95 Beer: The can looks a lot like Mac Beer's can, but tastes more like Windows 3.1 beer. It comes in 32-oz. cans, but when you look inside, the cans only have 16-oz. of beer in them. Most people will probably keep drinking Windows 3.1 beer, until their friends try Windows 95 beer and say they like it. The ingredients list, when you look at the small print, has some of the same ingredients that come in DOS beer, even though the manufacturer claims that this is an entirely new brew.
UNIX beer: Comes in several brands, in cans ranging from 8-oz. to 64-oz. Drinkers of UNIX display fierce brand loyalty, even though all the different brands taste almost identical.
Sometimes the pop-tops break off when you try to open them, so you need your own can opener, and a complete set of instructions or help from a friend that has been drinking UNIX beer for several years.
Windows NT Beer: Comes in a 32 oz. can. It is rumored that it will be available in 64 oz. cans in the future. Tastes like Windows 95 Beer, but you have to get permission to open the can. NT Beer also advertises that it won't explode when you open them, even if you shake them up. Lets you drink most Windows 95 and DOS Beer, but not all. Claims to be just as good as UNIX Beer, but most UNIX Beer drinkers don't believe them. You can only share your can with 10 people at one time, unless your using Windows NT Server Beer. NT Server Beer is just like normal NT Beer, but costs more.
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